Shattered
by Pixie
Summary: Fic that deals with suicide. You are warned.


  
Title: Shattered  
  
Author: Pixie  
  
Disclaimer: I claim to disclaim. LOL.  
  
Spoilers: Um....  
  
Distribution: You want? Go ahead. This is also going on to my website ( http://www.angelfire.com/rant/nowandforever/enter.html ) when I have the time to put it up.  
  
Rating: PG 13, deals with suicide and many deaths.  
  
Author's Note: I am WARNING you that this isn't like my other fics. This deals with suicide and death.  
  
Feedback: I just KNOW I'm gonna have flames for this, gee...I wonder why? *g* All feedbacks go to Pixie232@cs.com  
  
  
***************  
  
  
Buffy Summers stood still as a statue, admiring the city below her. It was going to be the last time she was ever going to see it again.  
  
Life had went downhill for her ever since he had left, leaving her as she was now. A mere shell of what she once was, because of him.  
  
Because of him, she had lived life to its fullest. Because of him, she had treasured life, protecting innocents from death in the form of evil itself.  
  
It had been her sole purpose. She had loved life, spending every moment she could with him. Making him happy as well as herself. She had loved him with all of her heart, would've done anything to protect him. Keep him out of harms way.  
  
That was until he had left her. Leaving her to start over and rebuild her life out of scratch.  
  
He had left her with nothing but heartache and it had been unbearable, but she had to bear. For the sake of her friends and others, not for herself.  
  
She had learned that nothing was ever about her. No one cared about her, they only cared that she was alive so that they weren't dead.  
  
Facing that fact had been tough, especially when she had to admit it to herself that he had never really loved her. It had all been a facade of his, some sick twisted game that he had played with her heart. Making her feel for him, love him, and it had worked.  
  
That in itself could have broken even her strongest defense. No matter how hard Angelus had tried to break her, he had never succeeded.  
  
The only person who had that power was Angel, and he had. He had broken her so much that she would never be able to pick up the pieces, nor would anyone help her.  
  
She was shattered, dreams, love, life, heart, soul, everything in her life was shattered. Nothing made sense anymore.  
  
She had asked herself why she was still standing. Fighting evil till this day.  
  
Even when she had lost everything in her life.  
  
Her friends were dead, had been for a long time now, leaving her alone. Her mentor died on her birthday just several years ago.  
  
It had been about ten years since she had seen him. Although she doubted that he would have known about what was happening in her life, she wished that he had been there for her when Xander had been killed.  
  
Xander's death had been tough on her, because it had been her fault. She had led her best friend to his death. Because of her stupidity that he could have taken care of himself.  
  
He couldn't and because of her, he was dead. Lying in a coffin beneath the earth, getting eaten by bugs and insects. Neck laying at a weird angle, eyes forever staring accusingly at her.  
  
And next to him lay Willow. She had died doing a powerful spell for her, this had almost thrown her completely over the edge. Knowing that two of her friends lay dead beneath the ground because of her.  
  
Because of their connection with the Slayer.  
  
Anya had died, mysteriously in a cavern. Giles suspected that it had been some sort of soul-sucking demon. Taking out her soul, leaving her as empty as a shell.  
  
Tara had committed suicide, after she had learned of Willow's death, along with Oz. He had came back to Willow, they had reunited and several days later, she was killed.  
  
Giles had stood by her side for most of the last years of his life, but, finally, he had gotten his peace.  
  
He had died a natural death, on her birthday.  
  
Buffy's birthday curse strikes again.  
  
Buffy gazed at the twinkling light for one last moment before turning around and heading towards the forest, where she knew a river made it's course.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy walked slowly towards the bridge that overlooked the river. Her barefeet covered with blood where numerous wounds had opened from the jagged rocks and still she paid them no mind.  
  
Buffy was dressed for death. It was a death of goodness itself. She was wearing her favorite white dress that spun around her as the wind blew with enormous force. Her hair, wet from the rain, were plastered on her face. And still, she never even so much as blink.  
  
The wind around her cried out it's awful cry, deafening the atmosphere with thunder as rain splattered against the hard earth.  
  
When, finally, she had reached the bridge, standing and gazing at the murky waters beneath her. Staring at her own reflection that stared back at her through haunting eyes that showed no emotion, not even fear for the upcoming event.  
  
Buffy had been long past sadness, it had been years since she felt it, really. Now all she felt was a sense of relief, knowing that in the next few moments, her life would finally come to an end. And she would find peace once more.  
  
Peace that had once, a long time ago, would have been founded in strong, comforting arms of her lover. But he was no longer here with her.  
  
It didn't matter. She was going to be gone forever, never to feel anymore pain at being apart.  
  
Death seemed like the only path for her.  
  
Carefully, Buffy climbed onto the railing. Keeping perfect balance. Spreading her arms out, Buffy closed her eyes. Feeling as the rain fell on her face, wiping away the slow trickle of tears that would've been shed.  
  
It was like Fate themselves were crying, knowing that they would be losing a warrior for their cause, because of their own stupid mistakes. Keeping the two fated lovers apart had resulted worst than they had expected.  
  
Taking one last breath, turning her head upwards, before taking the dive head first.  
  
Her last thought was of her Angel and her love for him, no matter how much he had hurt her, she would always love him.  
  
As her body made contact with the waters, the heavens cried out.  
  
Buffy Summers finally got the peace that she had longed for for so long.  
  
In the far distance, an Angel cried. Feeling the death as if it were his own.  
  
  
The End.  
  
  
I'm evil, ain't I?  
  
  
  



End file.
